I meet with spouses who want a divorce frequently. I ask them, “Would you be willing to die for your spouse or at the least, give a kidney to your spouse?” To which, the person responds, “yes, of course.” Then, I often ask a follow-up question: “You say you are willing to die for them, but would you be willing to live for your spouse?” The answer then is almost always a “no”.

Who are you living for? You should be living for Christ. When you do so, then you can live for your spouse, too.

In marriage, God calls us to be willing to both die and to LIVE for our spouses. We are to SERVE our spouses REGARDLESS of how they respond to our love because love is an ACTION! “For God so LOVED the world that He gave His only begotten Son…” reminds us that God ACTED to love us by GIVING to us. Love is an action verb in marriage!

Many divorces are caused by selfishness and hard hearts – not all of them but most.

In the wake of Valentine’s day, let’s remember that marriage is not about receiving love primarily but it’s about GIVING love primarily. Even in a “bad” marriage, you can seek to please and honor Christ by loving your spouse REGARDLESS of how your spouse treats you (I’m not talking about taking extreme abusive situations – if you’re receiving physical abuse, then get help.)

Christ loved us while we were yet sinners against Him (Rom. 5:8-11).

In closing, adapting that famous presidential line for marriage: “Ask not what your spouse can do for you but what you can do to love and serve your spouse for the glory of God.”

-Mark (wanting married couples to have the proper biblical goals for marriage so they will honor Christ in those marriages)