Addiction-Proof Parenting

Addiction-Proof Parenting

Truly victimized people do NOT want to stay victims. For example, someone who has been raped does not want to be reminded each day of that traumatic event by saying, “I am a rape victim” every day thereafter. They don’t want that tragic and horrible event to define who they are so they do not want to be a victim and prefer a new, hopeful identity to meditate upon. An identity that is found in the Person of Christ is the only one that really matters.

Sadly, those who want others to feel pity for them WANT to be victims – often whether they are or not! They get “mileage” out of people feeling sorry for them and they never admit that anything is their fault. An “addict” in active addiction is looking for excuses, sympathy, and finances to keep their addiction going so they get a benefit when others feel sorry for them: “I don’t have any money for groceries. Can you help me out?” Rather than saying, “I spent all of my money on alcohol,” they leave that part out and their deceptive ways distort the truth intending to manipulate and deceive.

It’s like Aaron in Exodus 32:21-24 who made a golden calf but then said ‘out came this calf’ like he didn’t fashion it into an idol:

And Moses said to Aaron, “What did this people do to you that you have brought such a great sin upon them?” And Aaron said, “Let not the anger of my lord burn hot. You know the people, that they are set on evil. For they said to me, ‘Make us gods who shall go before us. As for this Moses, the man who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him.’ So I said to them, ‘Let any who have gold take it off.’ So they gave it to me, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf.”

“It’s not my fault – it’s my circumstances, my parents, my friends, God’s fault, or YOUR fault – not mine!” says the classic victim who wants others to view him as a victim because he lacks a repentant heart.

Are there true victims? Yes. Are there those who think they are victims when they are not? Yes. That’s the group I am referring to here.

This victim mentality is based upon Ephesians 5:18 and might surprise you at first:

“And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit…”

So, Mark, what does that verse have to do with being a victim, you ask. Someone who is making choices to be drunk with wine which leads to debauchery, or utter ruin, is a person who is acting irresponsibly. Their life will be utterly ruined like a totally wrecked car having devastating life consequences. It is a choice to be an irresponsible and reckless victim of circumstances that impact greatly. Drunkenness takes power out of the hands of a once sober-minded individual and placing it elsewhere.

The antidote to the victim mentality: Be Responsible (or obedient). In other words, take responsibility for your actions by filling your heart and mind with the Word of God which will then fuel the power of the Holy Spirit within you. The transforming “addict” doesn’t make excuses but instead, takes responsibility for choices made because he is under the control of the Holy Spirit. Instead of saying, “I’m running late because of traffic,” the transforming “addict” says “I am late because I didn’t leave early enough.” That’s a simple example but you can hear active verbs rather than a passive voice when one is being responsible. Being responsible and obedient to the Word of God is only by God’s grace through the empowerment of His Spirit. It is a clear mark of a transforming “addict.”

-Mark (clearly wanting us to take responsibility for our choices and overcoming evil with good when we are truly victimized)